What Do *You* Believe? October 19, 2012

The home I grew up in was a fiscally- and socially-conservative one, in which loud opinions were voiced without reservation… for the most part. I was the youngest, the smallest, the runt of the litter. Perhaps that’s why I mainly kept my thoughts to myself. My opinions were in stark contrast to that of the conglomerate. I was not fond of putting myself out there and risk the judgment I was sure would follow, because although speaking up was encouraged, so was debate.

That was then.  With the comfortable distance that years gone by and miles traveled afford me, and bolstered by the conviction of my beliefs, I’m quiet no longer.

I’m a liberal. I’m your worst nightmare. I believe things most of you consider outrageous, outlandish, foolish, wrong… add your adjective here. If you’re going to keep reading, you may want to go get some Pepto first. Here’s a sample:

• I believe kindness and morals are not owned or bestowed by the religious right, or any singular religious affiliation. You do not have to subscribe to a particular set of religious beliefs to show kindness to your fellow human, nor does morality magically appear when you walk through the door of your chosen place of worship. Religion has been famously used to justify deplorable acts and the discrimination of groups of people throughout time immemorial (quite the example of teaching ‘right’ from ‘wrong’), which brings me to my next point.
• I believe in equal rights for everyone, including that most polarizing subject of gay marriage. I do not believe being gay is a ‘choice’ or ‘lifestyle.’ I believe we are born who we are, and no one’s personal (religious or otherwise) beliefs should be allowed to apply shackles to those who don’t believe what you do. I am baffled as to why people are so threatened by this notion, and I have yet to hear a cogent argument as to why loving couples should not be allowed to marry. But that’s probably because of my first point, above.
• I believe that problems, and their solutions, are often much more complex than many would like to believe. My dad, who I love and respect greatly but often disagree with, is a perfect example of this point. He has said he could ‘fix healthcare’ in a heartbeat by some simple changes: If you’re obese or a smoker, healthcare should be limited or unavailable to you until you correct those issues. Denying healthcare to those large groups would save a bundle, yes? But going back to the issue of right and wrong, how would you justify denying coverage to a smoker when the government of the United States not only allows but makes a huge profit from the tobacco industry — even though it is fully aware that tobacco causes chronic illness and death? On the subject of obesity, the easy choice is to think that it’s a personal failing of simply eating too much and moving too little. But we know it’s much more than that. The psychological underpinnings of obesity are profound, and in a country where it is estimated that one in four girls is sexually abused before the age of adulthood, shouldn’t *more* consideration and care be given to those individuals? Ah, but that would mean acknowledging mental health issues as more than ‘mind over matter’ and worthy of not only recognition, but of adequate treatment.
• I believe the new healthcare law got a lot of things right. For the first time ever, mental health care is required to be on par with other healthcare coverage. Insurance companies used to be able to limit the number of covered mental health care visits on a per-year basis. They are no longer allowed to do that, which is a step in the right direction in a country in which we have sorely failed at providing adequate mental health care. People are also no longer allowed to be discriminated against for pre-existing conditions — what a concept! I heard an argument recently in which someone who supports Mitt Romney said that his plan allows for preexisting conditions so long as you’ve had uninterrupted coverage — and they used the example of COBRA coverage as a means to accomplish this. How nice. How obviously stated by someone who has never been in the position of having been laid off and faced with how insanely cost-prohibitive COBRA coverage is for a family already struggling with a loss of income. But at least those folks will have the big tax break planned for all of their capital gains — because we know how all of us in the middle class have such a heavy burden with capital gains. *sigh*
• I believe that few things are ‘all or none’ and there are so many more gray areas than most of the right’s moral outrage allows for. Pro Choice DOES NOT mean Pro Abortion. While abortion would never have been something I would have chosen for myself, that does not mean that I think the option should be removed by the government. Being pro-choice does not mean I’m a fan of abortion, although many Pro-Lifers would like you to believe that. Again, back to the issue of things being more complex than most people would like to think… there is ugliness in the world you often don’t see, don’t want to see, or are oblivious to. Saying you’re pro-life sounds nice, but it doesn’t recognize the broader social issues. Just one example among many: sexual abuse and childhood neglect often lead to drug abuse and sexual promiscuity, which in turn lead to unwanted pregnancy. Are you pro-lifers willing to address those issues? Are you willing to roll up your sleeves and combat the abuse, and then support the abused? Are you willing to support the children of unintended pregnancies, and the plethora of medical conditions plaguing those born to drug- and/or alcohol-addicted mothers? See, it’s one of those problems with thinking things are so simple again. Many believe that cute little teeny-boppers are just out having fun, get pregnant, and then use abortion as a form of birth control. The reality is much muddier. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you understand a situation you have no experience with or knowledge of. Don’t make the mistake of thinking every woman that has ever had an abortion made the decision lightly. Don’t make the mistake of closing your eyes to the broader problems and believing that if you don’t see it, it’s not really there.
• And on this notion of ‘all or none’ — well, I believe that applies to social services too. I see countless posts on Facebook where people decry social programs as simply scams for the lazy. Doubtless, there is abuse in any system. However, your postcards that shout ‘if you can afford beer & tattoos, you don’t need food stamps’ just reflect a level of ignorance about the majority of people who receive support. Where did you get the idea that everyone on welfare of some type is a lazy fool? I’m as hard a worker as you’ll see, but if I had to collect unemployment or use food stamps to feed my family while I worked to get back on my feet, you can bet I would do it. (But the difference between us is likely that I think most people try to get back on their feet and most conservatives think they don’t and they’re just happy to ‘use’ the system). I knew a woman whose husband died very young, and they had not yet purchased life insurance. She was a stay-at-home mom who was thrust into a situation in which while mourning her husband, she was facing the loss of her home and trying to figure out how to feed her children. Do you really think there shouldn’t be social programs to help her? What about someone who suffers an accident and is now disabled in some way and unable to work? They should just suck it up and retrain, right? Immediately, with the nest egg they *should* have, maybe with all that money they’re saving on capital gains. Or maybe their families should help, and not the government/taxpayers? You do know that not everyone has family, right? Or family in a position to help? So your solution is what, exactly? My experience has been that most conservatives tend to see things as they think they ‘should’ be, and not as they really are… which leads their ‘solutions’ to be somewhat unrealistically utopian, and quite a bit too late in the grand scheme of things.

I’m basically 180 degrees from most of my family on these issues — but while our beliefs may differ, what we learned about the fundamentals of self-expression and independent thinking don’t. We learned to ask questions, speak up (loudly if necessary), and carry the courage of our convictions. It may have taken me awhile to find my voice, and many may not like it, but I was not raised in a home where children were expected to speak only when spoken to. So when my boys make a startling observation, ask probing questions, or express dismay over someone’s behavior rather than blindly following, I know I’ve been successfully passing on important lessons I learned when I was young. Thanks Mom & Dad.