Are you a Yarn Addict?

Some clues:

• Look around the house. Where is your yarn? Do you have nice little organized bins, each grouping already assigned to a project? Or has your stash spilled out of those cute little containers and invaded some fairly inappropriate places? Do you have to pick mohair out of your pantry goods? Have you ever (gasp!) had your closet shelf crash down on under the weight of your stash? (true story – happened to my friend, srsly.)
• Do you hide new purchases from your loved ones? Tired of the eyeroll, glazed look, or “you bought more?!” when you try to share your latest find?
• Do you shop online a lot, telling yourself it’s for the great deals but really just to escape the watchful eyes of the inevitable ladies shopping at your LYS? You know, the ones who assume you work there because you’re just a little too familiar with where everything is?
• Have you ever been overheard at a yarn shop murmuring, “And what is your name?” while you fondle a new little imported merino gem you’ve never come across before? (and how, ahem, is that possible?!)

If you answered Yes!  to most of the above questions, you may want to work on the:

12 6 steps for Yarn Addiction

• Step 1. Admit that you have a problem. Yes, I know, that’s the hardest part. But excusing your stash accumulation as simply the result of fabulous sales or support for your LYS is mere fodder for your therapist.
• Step 2. Rely on a power greater than yourself. Think Ravelry! Maybe you can use the online stash function to sell some of your yarn to fellow Ravelers. Start small – we don’t want you riddled with acute withdrawal. Maybe just a ball or two of the closeout angora blend you bought and has now fuzzified its surroundings.
• Step 3. Make a searching and fearless inventory of your stash. You’ll never know just how big of a problem you have if you don’t see the evidence all in one place – one huge fiber potpourri. I know you’re afraid if you list it all in your online stash you’ll crash Ravelry’s servers. But really, wouldn’t it be fun to try? If you do succeed, skip ahead to Step 5…
• Step 4. Confidentially disclose your addiction to another fiber fanatic. Join the SABLE group and confess your stash stats. Some of them are measuring their yarn ‘yardage’ in miles!
• Step 5. Make amends to those harmed by your yarn habit. Give your sincerest apologies to those whose closets (drawers, bookshelves, bathtubs) you have overtaken with your yarn fantasy or have otherwise inconvenienced with your wooly wares. Then pay your penance (literally) to your bank account. Your future retired self will thank you.
• Step 6. Be of service to others who suffer from your malady. Recognize the symptoms in fellow yarnies and help them through the steps. Beware if they try to sell their yarn to you while working on Step 2 — unless what they’re offering is too good to pass up!
• Step 7. Uh, there is no Step 7. Nor 8, 9, 10, 11, or 12… My sincere apologies (see Step 5) to those of you who wanted to complete the 12 Steps. But you could see I was already slipping in Step 6. As I was creating the steps, I saw a flyer about our upcoming LYS Annual Yarn Crawl. I already have plans with a girlfriend (yes, she of closet shelf fame) to spend two blissful days hopping from shop to shop, fondling the fine silks, purring over the pretty handpainteds, and learning the names of all my new beaus. Maybe I’ll see you along the way? Enablers, unite!