Are you a Yarn Addict?

Some clues:

• Look around the house. Where is your yarn? Do you have nice little organized bins, each grouping already assigned to a project? Or has your stash spilled out of those cute little containers and invaded some fairly inappropriate places? Do you have to pick mohair out of your pantry goods? Have you ever (gasp!) had your closet shelf crash down on under the weight of your stash? (true story - happened to my friend, srsly.)
• Do you hide new purchases from your loved ones? Tired of the eyeroll, glazed look, or “you bought more?!” when you try to share your latest find?
• Do you shop online a lot, telling yourself it’s for the great deals but really just to escape the watchful eyes of the inevitable ladies shopping at your LYS? You know, the ones who assume you work there because you’re just a little too familiar with where everything is?
• Have you ever been overheard at a yarn shop murmuring, “And what is your name?” while you fondle a new little imported merino gem you’ve never come across before? (and how, ahem, is that possible?!)

If you answered Yes!  to most of the above questions, you may want to work on the:

12 6 steps for Yarn Addiction

• Step 1. Admit that you have a problem. Yes, I know, that’s the hardest part. But excusing your stash accumulation as simply the result of fabulous sales or support for your LYS is mere fodder for your therapist.
• Step 2. Rely on a power greater than yourself. Think Ravelry! Maybe you can use the online stash function to sell some of your yarn to fellow Ravelers. Start small - we don’t want you riddled with acute withdrawal. Maybe just a ball or two of the closeout angora blend you bought and has now fuzzified its surroundings.
• Step 3. Make a searching and fearless inventory of your stash. You’ll never know just how big of a problem you have if you don’t see the evidence all in one place - one huge fiber potpourri. I know you’re afraid if you list it all in your online stash you’ll crash Ravelry’s servers. But really, wouldn’t it be fun to try? If you do succeed, skip ahead to Step 5…
• Step 4. Confidentially disclose your addiction to another fiber fanatic. Join the SABLE group and confess your stash stats. Some of them are measuring their yarn ‘yardage’ in miles!
• Step 5. Make amends to those harmed by your yarn habit. Give your sincerest apologies to those whose closets (drawers, bookshelves, bathtubs) you have overtaken with your yarn fantasy or have otherwise inconvenienced with your wooly wares. Then pay your penance (literally) to your bank account. Your future retired self will thank you.
• Step 6. Be of service to others who suffer from your malady. Recognize the symptoms in fellow yarnies and help them through the steps. Beware if they try to sell their yarn to you while working on Step 2 — unless what they’re offering is too good to pass up!
• Step 7. Uh, there is no Step 7. Nor 8, 9, 10, 11, or 12… My sincere apologies (see Step 5) to those of you who wanted to complete the 12 Steps. But you could see I was already slipping in Step 6. As I was creating the steps, I saw a flyer about our upcoming LYS Annual Yarn Crawl. I already have plans with a girlfriend (yes, she of closet shelf fame) to spend two blissful days hopping from shop to shop, fondling the fine silks, purring over the pretty handpainteds, and learning the names of all my new beaus. Maybe I’ll see you along the way? Enablers, unite!

What do you call your Mommy if you are an angry 4-year-old and haven’t yet (thankfully) learned to talk like a sailor?

You Sunshine Booby Potter!

From the same 4-year-old, that night at bedtime:

Scene:  Mommy & Cameron snuggled together like spoons in Cam’s racecar bed, ready to say goodnight.  Cameron snakes an arm up around Mommy’s neck…

Cameron:  Mommy, I love you!  You are a very nice Mommy… sometimes.

Mommy:  Oh Cameron, I love you too!  You are a very nice boy.    (notice how the very nice Mommy keeps the ’sometimes’ to herself?!)

C:  Yes.  Mommy, I love you no matter what.  If I didn’t love you, my heart would cough and sputter.  And then it would shudder.  It would cough and sputter, and then it would shudder, and then it would break into… break into bones.

M:  Well, then it’s a good thing that we’ll love each other forever.

C:  Yes.

Breakfast

Cameron:  Mommy, I’m Ham from the Planet Ham.

Mommy:  Nice to meet you, Ham.  Where is your planet located?

C:  All of my people have blind eyes.

M:  They do?  What happened to them?

C:  A monster poked all their eyes out.

M:  Really?  Wow.  So where is your planet located?

C:  It was tossed out of our solar system by the scientists.

M:  How come?

C:  Well, the scientists did not like our planet.  It is covered with diamonds and the scientists did not like that.

M:  Oh, was it too sparkly?

C:  Yes.  And scientists do not like sparkly things.

M:  Do you have a family on the Planet Ham?

C:  Yes.  I have a Mommy, a Daddy, a dog, a cat, a guinea pig, and a tiny mouse.  And 100 brothers and sisters.  But they are all blind in their eyes.  And it is very cold on my planet.  And all my people are blind in their eyes.  Okay, I have to go save the solar system.

Later, While Waiting for the Bus to School

C:  (picking a dandelion) I want to give this daisy to the bus driver.

M:  That’s nice.

     ***bus arrives, Cam climbs aboard***

C:  I wanted to give this to you.

Driver:  Oh, thank you, that’s very nice.

C:  Yes, I like to give things to people.  People that don’t have any things.

After School, Playing in the Cul-de-Sac

Beautiful sunny afternoon; Neighbors Jeff & Kelly are on their way out to dinner…  Cam is on his bike wearing short sleeves, torn jeans, froggy rain boots, helmet, backpack with sleeping bag inside, Hotwheels and a magnifying glass in the outside pocket.  Just in case…

C:  You’re going to DINNER?!  Heavens to Murgatroid!

Kelly:  Yes.

C:  To a RESTAURANT?!

K:  Yes, I think so.  He’s driving, so I don’t know which one.

C:  Well, you should go to the Food Bank.

K:  We should?

C:  Yes, there’s lots of food there.

Jeff:  Thanks for the advice Cameron.

C:  You’re welcome.